Visit With Mum

The main reason for my visit to Winnipeg last week was to spend time with Mum.  My last visit with her was discouraging and depressing.  Although she's being well taken care of in the long-term facility it's sad to go see her and have her be so unresponsive.

This visit was better - it was cheerful and fun.  Mum was having a good day and although she still didn't recognize (and never will again) me and Wendy, she seemed to enjoy our company.  She made eye contact with both of us, smiled and even laughed a few times - mere shadows of her pre-Alzheimer's smile and laugh, but real nevertheless.

Mum at 90

Sharing a laugh with Wendy

Smiling as she walks with me

 She collected some leaves that had fallen from the trees as we walked and seemed to enjoy being out in the fresh air and sunshine.  She's still very strong although we held her arms as we walked on the uneven paths.  One of the blessings of Alzheimer's is that she seems to have forgotten pain and no longer seems to feel the bone grinding arthritis in her shoulder that caused her such agony a couple of years ago.  She's always been a very healthy, strong woman and the Alzheimer's hasn't dimished that very much.  It was so nice to have such a good visit with her.  I talked to her about things that were happening in my life and she listened but couldn't respond.  Forgetting how to speak is one of the many symptoms of the disease.

So, all in all, I'm glad I went and spent such an enjoyable time with Mum.



Remembering

I dreamed about Mum again last night - I seem to be doing that quite frequently lately. We were walking on a downtown street, looking in store windows, talking about children, grand-children and, for her, great-grandchildren. She always had such an interest in them.

In last night's dream my sister and I were at a home, hers or mine I couldn't tell, when Mum came in from a walk and we were so surprised to see her up and walking and talking about what she'd been up to. So real.

Although, at 89, she's still with us physically, we lost her to Alzheimers sometime in this past year. Her memory had been failing quite remarkably over the past 3 or 4 years until she reached the point where she could no longer live without constant care and monitoring. It's been a year since she knew who I am. More recently she has lost all memory of any of her family, including my sister who has been her primary guardian for the past couple of years. It's so sad to see a vibrant, active, involved woman reduced to a shadow of herself with no memories or hobbies to sustain her...sad for her family, and sad for her. I still find myself thinking that "I have to tell Mum..." whenever something interesting happens, a new baby is born, a trip is taken. I don't think I'll ever lose that instinct.

So sometimes I just have to talk about her, and the dreams are happy things, when I can talk to her and have her talk to me...just like old times.