Remembering

I dreamed about Mum again last night - I seem to be doing that quite frequently lately. We were walking on a downtown street, looking in store windows, talking about children, grand-children and, for her, great-grandchildren. She always had such an interest in them.

In last night's dream my sister and I were at a home, hers or mine I couldn't tell, when Mum came in from a walk and we were so surprised to see her up and walking and talking about what she'd been up to. So real.

Although, at 89, she's still with us physically, we lost her to Alzheimers sometime in this past year. Her memory had been failing quite remarkably over the past 3 or 4 years until she reached the point where she could no longer live without constant care and monitoring. It's been a year since she knew who I am. More recently she has lost all memory of any of her family, including my sister who has been her primary guardian for the past couple of years. It's so sad to see a vibrant, active, involved woman reduced to a shadow of herself with no memories or hobbies to sustain her...sad for her family, and sad for her. I still find myself thinking that "I have to tell Mum..." whenever something interesting happens, a new baby is born, a trip is taken. I don't think I'll ever lose that instinct.

So sometimes I just have to talk about her, and the dreams are happy things, when I can talk to her and have her talk to me...just like old times.